Seeking Good Things vs. Avoiding Bad Things

In the situations of your everyday life, what are you thinking about most of the time?  Do you think more about the good things that could happen in a situation and how to obtain them, or are you thinking more about how to avoid all of the bad things that could happen?

Of course, to be successful you need to do some of both, but some psychological theories suggest that people vary in how much they focus on “seeking” vs. “avoiding” behaviors.  This would mean that some people are more “reward seeking” while others are more “punishment avoiding”.

I think by default I tend to focus more on “avoiding”, and I think this sometimes results in too much anxiety and in behaviors that are too conservative.  I think balance is the key, but for me it has helped to try to put more focus on seeking the good things, and less focus on avoiding the bad things.

For example, in a social situation I might think “avoiding” thoughts, such as “I don’t want people to dislike me.”  I’ve found that focusing deliberately on the possible rewards in the situation, such as “I could have a great time — how can I make that happen?”, sometimes makes me feel better, have less anxiety, and just enjoy myself more.

Of course, some people have the opposite problem — focusing only on rewards while ignoring consequences.  This can also be bad, and result in high-risk behaviors such as unprotected sex or drug use.  So, as in many other ways, the key is to figure out what your natural tendencies are, when they are beneficial and when they are not so beneficial, and try to adjust your behavior accordingly.