At 35 – What’s Important Now

I’m 35, and I’ve been thinking about the things that are important in my life right now.  “What’s important” is of course different for everyone, but here is what’s most important to me now in my own life:

1. Getting good at interacting with people, and really enjoying my relationships with others. I want my “hobby” to be getting good at relationships — learning how to have the most fun with others, enjoy my relationships more fully, make others feel great.  I want to learn how to be funnier, share more of my own world while validating others, and engage in adventures and just plain fun with people in my life.
2. Trying to discover a way to feel extremely happy every day, almost no matter what happens. This needs to be in an authentic way, and not just pretending everything is great when you feel terrible.  I believe this is possible, although I have yet to experience it for myself.  I’ve met a few people who seem to have this, and it seems they’ve achieved it through belief systems which posit some overarching great state of affairs that doesn’t depend on their present circumstances, including Christians who believe in a loving God and an afterlife, and Buddhists who believe that everything is in some sense perfect just the way it is.  My problem is that my personal beliefs don’t seem to lend themselves to such an outlook easily (so far at least).  The other technique that seems to have potential is through mental training, such as meditation or so-called “attentional training”.
3. Finding a way to have money without spending vast amounts of time doing things I find unrewarding. Many of the things that cost a lot are probably in actuality pretty low on the “results in good feelings” scale.  So money isn’t the way to great happiness.  Nevertheless, 99% of the time money is necessary to live, and having a little more of it will enable you to do more of the things that do lead to happiness.  The trick is to have money without spending so much time in unrewarding activities.
4. Pursuing physical pleasure. Some readers may be turned off by this one, as seeking physical pleasure can sometimes be considered “selfish”, “superficial”, or “embarrassing” in our society.  But pursuing things that are pleasurable doesn’t mean only caring about yourself, and it doesn’t mean you neglect other parts of your personality.  And seeking positive things for yourself of any sort doesn’t seem like anything to be ashamed of.  In fact, the idea that you shouldn’t seek pleasurable things seems a bit strange.  I should also add that by “pursuing physical pleasure” I’m not saying “Sleep with anyone and everyone, cheat on your spouse, and while you’re at it get drunk and high!”  Rather, I’m suggesting things such as tantric sexual practices (which could be with a monogamous partner), enjoying delicious food, massage, etc.

In the past I would have added another one, which is 5. Asking the “big questions” about the nature of life and the universe, and finding my own answers. This is still a part of my life (which in the past I have spent a tremendous amount of time on), but I now feel that I can put a “check mark” next to this one.  I think I’ve gotten about as close to finding what answers can be found as is possible, and while I remain open to new avenues and thoughts about the big questions, I don’t feel that I need to spend so much time on this one anymore, at least for now.